Masturbation is a normal sexual activity to discover your own body. Plenty of people masturbate. It assists you in learning how you like to be touched. It’s a perfectly healthy and normal form of sexual expression. In fact, Indiana University’s National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior found that 72% of women ages 25 to 29 lent themselves a hand at least once in the past year.
Yet, another survey in 2015 found that 20% of women have actually never done it. There could be plenty of reasons for this, but in some cases, it’s because the idea of masturbating gives them anxiety.
Some people have anxiety when they feel sexual urges, why is that?
There are a number of reasons this could be the case for women, from sexual assault to the pressure to orgasm to your own expectations for yourself. An interview with Sudeepta Varma, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at NYU Langone Medical Center and cognitive behavioral therapist, and a women’s mental health expert and sex educator said a delayed orgasm can cause anxiety. When you’re expecting an orgasm and not getting there, it can lead to loads of frustration and lowered self-esteem.
When you want your body to feel or behave a certain way or even want yourself to feel a certain way about pleasing yourself emotionally because it’s the norm, it can cause you a lot of distress and anxiety. The answer to this could be as simple as trying not to put so much pressure on yourself, but not all situations are that simple.
Feelings of guilt around masturbation may also be tied to spiritual, cultural, or religious views, which many see masturbation as immoral. However, masturbation has so many benefits such as improving sleep and your sex life, relieving cramps, giving you a better understanding of what you want and need in a relationship, improving your mental health, boosting your mood and reducing stress. There’s even evidence that masturbation might increase the release of disease-fighting white blood cells.
You are not alone in feeling anxiety about masturbating
If you’re experiencing anxiety when it comes to the idea of masturbation, please understand you aren’t alone in this and you’re not weird for feeling uncomfortable touching yourself.
In fact, in a 2017 interview with Jane the Virgin star Gina Rodriguez, she opened up about the guilt she felt when it came to masturbation due to purity culture.
“I was definitely raised with that. In all honesty, I used to feel guilty for masturbating. Oh my god, this extreme guilt! And that lasted way too long. Or maybe I masturbated too much,” Rodriguez stated during the interview. “It’s OK to look back in retrospect and be like, it wasn’t good that I felt bad about touching myself. And it isn’t bad that I want to share my love with my boyfriend. I’m 32 years old, I’m an adult, I can do that!”
There are many ways to overcome anxiety when it comes to masturbation. To start out, speaking with a sex therapist can be a huge help for somebody struggling with this and asking yourself why you have this anxiety about it. A therapist can help you to identify the cause and get you on the right track.
If doing it by yourself is too overwhelming, bringing in a partner that you’re comfortable with can be beneficial. Introducing masturbation as foreplay may help you to feel more comfortable and reduce your anxiety when you decide to go for it solo.
Building a greater understanding and self-awareness that masturbation is a completely normal thing can also prevent anxiety. Understand the pressure you put on yourself and try to reduce it. Importantly, be kind and patient with yourself. Know that you are only human and it’s okay to have fears and uncertainties when it comes to your own body.
Masturbation is a safe way to explore your body and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. You are encouraged to explore your own body and in doing so it is easier for you to communicate to lovers what you like and dislike about being touched.
