Have you ever asked yourself if you were too small to perform or compared yourself to society’s notion of media images (porn) of what penis size is deemed acceptable that will ensure pleasure???? (which is considered a faulty reference point by the way).   

If so, there are a few things that should be noted before starting the vicious cycle of negative thinking that will surely prevent you from performing and pleasuring your partner and it won’t be because of your size.  

penis size
Photo by Sam Moqadam on Unsplash

There are many insecurities that overshadow the pleasure and enjoyment of sex.  One is the overwhelming intrusive thoughts of a man’s view and feelings about his penis size.  If you don’t know there is an actual medical term for this, and it’s called small penis syndrome amongst other labels that include small penis anxiety or SPA.  In more severe cases of this affliction, it is called Penile dysmorphic disorder or PDD which is not included in the DSM but is considered a variant of BDD or Body dysmorphic disorder.  

There are several things to consider when determining an appropriate reference point that can give a more realistic perspective to understanding penis size and do you measure up to what is scientifically normal rather than society/media perspective and portrayals including the small scale of opinions you may have been exposed to that don’t necessarily represent what normal is based on statistics.  

Also taking into consideration understanding and accepting that people have a right to their personal preference pertaining to sex and what they want in and from their partner.  If you do not measure up to one’s preference doesn’t mean it won’t be acceptable and pleasurable for the next person.  The same can be said as it relates to looks and wanting certain personality traits, a sense of style in clothes, or financial expectations, or differing tastes in music and food.

Below is a list of suggestions to help navigate this area of concern, increase understanding, and ease the mind.

  1. Educate yourself on faulty reference points produced from personal opinions, testimonies, and images in the media and compare them to reference points that are derived from science and statistics. This will give you a whole new meaning of what is scientifically normal and how to determine personal preference and to appreciate it rather than internalizing it that manifests into emotional distress.  Seek out a therapist to help navigate this journey for clarity and processing misconceptions.  Also, speak with your PCP and consult with a urologist for more information.
  2. Work toward and allow yourself to explore real-life experiences. This factor is related to men who are not well experienced sexually and can only rely on the very few experiences they have encountered.  If these few experiences were not the best, then fear can lead to avoidance.  Cognitive distortion typically manifests from this and proceeds to negative thinking related to how they view themselves, their penis, and their ability to please potential partners.  Exploring can give you the opportunity to meet potential partners and learn that others may have views, wants and needs that go against your preconceived notions of what partners really want especially related to penis size.  Take the risk, work through the fear and expose yourself to people and learn.  You will find that everyone doesn’t view life, sex, and people the same.
  3. Do not rely on pornography to validate and educate you on what human sexuality is supposed to be. Pornography is not a reliable representation of how to please, and what our bodies are supposed to resemble.  If you feel as if most of what you learned about sex is from watching porn and testimonies from other men I would suggest taking an adult sex education course or speak with a sex therapist.
  4. Understand your mindset and thought patterns.  This can feed into the fear and negative view you may have for yourself and your penis.  Seek out a therapist to identify and correct any biases, cognitive distortions and educate on self-assertion and acceptance.

It can be easy to become complacent and accept other people’s truths about penis size as your own; however, after you read and follow the 4 suggestions mentioned in this article it will put your mind at rest concerning penis size.


Expect Kiss & Tell Magazine to discuss women’s issues, relationships, and sexual health and wellness. Subscribe to our weekly newsletter below and be part of the K&T community so your voice will be heard in guiding our content.

Please share by clicking one of the social buttons below or by copying the link.