Have you ever thought about exploring kink but unsure of how to navigate this area or even understand what sexual activity is labeled as kink to determine if it’s right for you and your partner?  Read on ūüėä

What does this involve exploring kink?

 Kink to this day is still taboo, stigmatized, and frowned upon. When individuals who have no proper knowledge of what kink is in its entirety it can be perceived as illegal, a tortuous unwilling act, weird, freaky, and adopting the perceived notion that such kink acts originate from past traumas that are unconventional from normal acts of sexual expression such as missionary, kissing, touching and masturbation. What most people do not realize is that they have probably engaged in a kink act without even realizing it.  Kink is the outer boundaries that you would not think to explore that falls out of convention from the normal practices I previously mentioned.  Some example of kinky acts includes handcuffs, blindfolds, fetishes, role-playing, and even fantasizing through storytelling with your partner in bed amongst other acts that will be discussed.   Kinky sex can be an incredibly positive and explorative experience if you apply the essential factors to ensure safety, and pleasure to gain a new sense of desire and confidence with your partner.  

  • BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism.¬†¬†Examples of sadomasochism include impact play (spanking, slapping, etc), pain or sensation play (clips and clamps, hot wax, pinching, etc), and rough play (face slapping hair pulling, biting, scratching etc). Edgeplay (electrostimulation) is also referred to as risky BDSM because potential bodily harm can be a result of this kind of act. Dominance and submission include labels such as top, bottom, or switches. This entails a person on top who initiates and controls activities and inflicts such play previously mentioned to the bottom. The bottom receives sensations and follows the top lead.¬†¬†Switches are an individual that enjoys both and can switch between activities.¬†¬†Bondage includes suspensions, handcuffs, confinement, and chastity devices. And humiliation is another form of BDSM in which a person can get gratification from intense languages such as name-calling and verbal aggression.
  • Sex, bodily fluids, and genital play can include golden showers (urine), vaginal and anal fisting and rough sex, etc) and Klismaphilia this is a term that refers to being gratified by enemas.
  • Erotic role-playing and fantasy describes creating scenarios and acting them out or even scenarios you have been exposed to that you would like to experience.¬†¬†This kink play also includes dressing up in costumes to explore such scenarios like nurse/patient or cop/civilian scenarios.¬†
  • Fetishes are a sexual desire for such things as an inanimate object or nonsexual body part that an individual can receive gratification.¬†¬†For example, feet, diaper play, shoes, and even a roller coaster.¬†¬†Another term for having a fetish for an inanimate object is objectum sexuality.
  • Group sex describes engaging in orgies, threesomes, or even more people at once.
  • Voyeurism and exhibitionism.¬†¬†This act can be subject to legal action however when described in kink and considering safety and consent factors it can be an enjoyable experience.¬†¬†Voyeurism is the act of watching someone undress or even have sex whereas exhibitionism can describe having sex in a public place.¬†¬†As I mentioned previously fantasy and role-playing is a part of kinky act so therefore if you played the scenario to engage in voyeurism or exhibitionism with proper communication with all parties involved, consent and within the legal limits and privacy of your OWN property to set the stage as you see fit to mimic your fantasy of voyeurism or exhibition and ensuring the public is not exposed to this act you should be fine.¬†

Some examples of kink

Photo by Will O on Unsplash

 As we explore safety, responsibility and risk there are some precautionary measures you should consider before engaging into kinky sex to ensure a pleasurable experience and prevent any trauma or compounding trauma that can possible exacerbate any compartmentalized issues not yet addressed or working through to address as you explore.  

Common precautionary measures used before kink sex

  • Consent is an essential part of engaging in kink or any sexual act for that matter.  When giving consent as you explore kink you must know this does not mean consent for other activity following the previous one you gave consent to.  You must consent before any scene or activity.  This ensures all parties involved are reassuring verbally you are on the same page and it’s ok to move forward with the acts.
  • Hard and soft limits describe how far you are willing to go or even not at all.  You can also label your limits as yes, no, or maybe.  A hard limit is simply something you are not willing to do at all.  As you gain more experience exploring kink your limitation can change and for that always communicate changes.  A soft limit means the certain thing you are willing to do but normally not interested in doing but given the right circumstance, you would engage. This will also normalize the discussion of change and evolvement as you become more confident and experienced in kink. Sometimes people tend to keep things to themselves as changes arise out of fear of the other person not being receptive.  Normalizing change and discussing it will alleviate the pressure and emotional stress from the scenario.
  • Safewords describe a word that is considered your safety net.  This word must be agreed upon before getting kinky by all parties involved. The purpose of utilizing the safe word is to ensure that any acts you may be engaged in and at any point you don‚Äôt like it and want it to stop you say the safe word. Saying stop or no is an option but sometimes these words can be a part of the dialogue of a scene and to ensure you can differentiate between play and stopping play when necessary a safe word is a must. Examples of a safe word can be pineapple, red light, yellow, etc.
  • Aftercare describes what happens after you have finished with kinky play.  This is just as important as the preparation.  Aftercare is to ensure you and your partner check in with each other to make certain you feel safe and comfortable.   For example, if you are a top and engaged in pain play and have tested the limits of your partner who is the bottom it is your responsibility to ensure the well-being of your partner by addressing and confirming basic needs are intact.  Examples of some questions to ask are ‚Äúdo you need to use the restroom? how are you feeling? Are there any discomforts I need to know about? Also, aftercare can be cuddling, eating, drinking water, and discussing your experience with each other about the kinky play you just played out.
  • Acronyms have been developed in the realm of kink to represent a vital framework to educate people on kink and understanding safety and risk involved in kinky play.  For example, safe, sane, and consensual or (SSC) describes the framework to raise awareness, articulate values of consent and safety, and promote educating non-kinksters on what kinky play entails.  Another well-known acronym is a risk-aware consensual kink or (RACK) this a framework to educate and emphasize the consensual aspect of kink with also acknowledging there is risk involved and there is no sexual act that is 100% safe.  If you are looking to gain more information on kink seek out an advanced practitioner that also specializes in educating people with the frameworks mentioned.
  • Communication is an essential factor to all safety measures involving kink.  It is a crucial component not only to kinky play but any sexual encounter.  Everything mentioned previously involves communicating transparently with your partner and all parties involved.  It involves asking questions, giving feedback, setting boundaries, negotiating the terms of kinky play, consent, finalizing safe words, and educating new and learning kinksters of well-known acronyms used in the kink communities.

Education and communication are key components to sexuality and understanding desires.  With these key factors discussed the main goal is to destigmatize kink and reduce intimidation related to the subject and bring awareness to kink and promote exploration in anything you decide to do in a healthy and safe fashion. Kink is just another sexual experience to explore.

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