May is Mental Health Awareness Month. With this in mind, K&T is tackling the issue of the wandering mind phenomenon that often occurs during sex. You would think that in the midst of a wild roll in the hay, your only focus would be your partner(s) and your intense feeling of pleasure. While we’d all love to say that this is spot on, the truth is it’s so easy to fall prey to distracting thoughts that can hinder your sexual performance, ultimately resulting in a lack of sexual satisfaction. 

When the mood feels right and you’re about to make passionate love to your partner(s), few things are worse than distracting thoughts about work-related tasks or anxiety related to your performance and/or physical appearance. 

If these thought patterns hit home for you, you’re not alone. In fact, studies have shown that men were more likely to report performance‐related thoughts, and women were more likely to report thoughts about body image.

While it’s true that everyone’s mind wanders during sex from time to time, there are ways to help you get out of your head and into your body during sex for the betterment of all parties involved. Keep reading to find out how. 

1.   Sexual Mindfulness

Each touch, kiss, and caress should be an experiment in bodily and energetic connection. Our skin is the largest organ we have, and it’s filled with nerve endings just waiting to be stimulated. The next time you’re in the act of sex, imagine your brain is an empty room, the light is turned off and every touch, stroke, and more is yours for experiencing. Empower yourself to feel every incredible sensation. Finally, allow the act of being present in sex play to transport you into a world of ecstasy. 

African American couple snuggling in bed fully dressed

2.   Mood Music 

When it comes to making sweet love, the right music can exponentially help you to tune in to your partner. Music can also help your bodies get in sync with one another as you naturally move to the rhythm or change tempos based on the intensity of the drums or the softness of the guitar. When the lights are low and the music is playing, you probably won’t be thinking about much else.

3.   Slow Things Down 

Communication remains the key to a healthy relationship. If you or your partner(s) can tell that your mind is somewhere else or maybe you’re just not in the mood, slowing things down is a great option. Perhaps they can ask you what’s on your mind and help to ease any insecurities that may arise during sex play. Your lover(s) can check in with you and re-start erotic foreplay when the timing is right. Once you’re in a place of sexual focus and desire, dive back in and enjoy the ride. 

4.   Prioritize Your Tasks Ahead of Time 

Sometimes, no matter how tuned in we want to be, our minds might still wander to thoughts of work obligations or tending to things on our to-do list. You might think you can deal with them later only to have the anxiety around them surface at a time when you really wish they wouldn’t. If it’s possible, try taking care of those meeting notes or run those errands way in advance of “sexy time.”

For instance, if you typically enjoy having sex right before bed or at night in general, try to get anxiety-inducing tasks done during the day so you can have a clear mind later. If you have an argument with your significant other(s) and you don’t want negativity to ruin your night, try having a conversation around the issue and see if it can be peacefully resolved. 

If you need to sleep on it, then don’t try to force anything to happen tonight. Having sex may not be a great idea because those built-up negative feelings can rise to the surface when your lover(s) try and touch you, potentially causing you to feel disengaged and uninterested. 

couple undressed smiling at each other in bed woman on  top

5.   Proper Mental Health Care 

Some of the popular thoughts that can fill your mind during sex include, “they won’t like me if I don’t…” or “it’s the end of the world if things don’t work out.” Thoughts like these may stem from unresolved past relationship wounds. Taking the time to seek therapy can prove extremely healthy for your everyday life as well as your sex life and what better time to start your search for a great therapist than during Mental Health Awareness Month? 


It’s human nature for the mind to wander during non-sexual and sexual activities. But if you’re finding your brain is running rampant when you should be out of your head and into your body, then try one or all of these tips to help you get and stay focused. Do you have tips of your own that didn’t make this list? Email us your suggestions, we’d love to know your thoughts.