I read about the Ashley Madison site “being hacked”. The hackers threatened to expose their 37 million members’ names unless the site was taken down. Of course, I was curious and I went to the site. Their motto is “life is short, have an affair”. Does reading that make you feel warm and tingly inside? Seriously, though, the sheer volume of its customers is amazing. Millions of men and women attached or single want to secretly have affairs.

Is this affair site aftermath of the Sexual Revolution?

The Sexual Revolution happened during the 60s through the 80s. Simply put, this was the time of sexual liberation, sex norms were redefined and we were permitted to have sex before marriage.

A female was not harshly judged if she had sex and she was not in a monogamous relationship. Gender roles were rejected, during the revolution, giving more individuals freedom to be who they were sexually. In the present day, the Sexual Revolution has opened the doors for sex education and sex is ideally a no longer a shameful and forbidden topic.

The dynamic of having sex in a committed relationship with one partner has changed. Or has it?

Adultery is not new behavior it has been happening for centuries. It dates back to the Old Testament. Some states in the U.S. have laws that make it a felony. Even though, a person has not been jailed for it. Millennials would make an argument that we were not meant to be monogamous and being in a monogamous relationship or having an open relationship is open to interpretation.

Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

The popularity of Ashley Madison.com would have us all believing that adultery is acceptable even with the site’s extreme secrecy and confidentiality. Yet, an enormously popular song titled “Honey, I’m Good” by Andy Grammar supports monogamy. Here are some of the lyrics:

[Verse 1:]
It’s been a long night here, and a long night there
And these long long legs are damn near everywhere
(hold up now)
You look good, I will not lie
But if you ask where I’m staying tonight
I gotta be like oh baby, no baby, you got me all wrong baby
My baby’s already got all of my love

So nah nah Honey, I’m good
I could have another but I probably should not
I’ve got somebody at home, and if I stay I might not leave alone
No, honey, I’m good
I could have another but I probably should not
I’ve got to bid you adieu
To another I will stay true
(oo oo I will stay true)
(who who I will stay true)

There is a YouTube video of varying couples singing this song to each other and to date it has close 29 million views.

Secrets in a relationship, 9 times out of 10, are a bad idea; especially, regarding sex. It is understandable that we are dishonest, typically, when asked how many past sexual partners we have had. Our number is lowered or raised in our response for fear of rejection.

The foundation of any relationship is trust. Trust that your partner is honest and faithful. Trust that your partner put your feelings ahead of his or her own. Trust that what your partner says and does matches and his or her behavior is predictable. Usually, in a relationship, we are most vulnerable when we are intimate with another person: emotionally and physically. Intimacy takes time to build with nurturing and consistent behavior. All of this can disintegrate with one affair.

It befuddles the mind, 37 million would support and perpetuate the motto is “life is short, have an affair”.

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