Discovering Your Primary Love Language Can Help You Better Connect With Your Loved Ones

by | Feb 16, 2022 | Relationships

love languages | 5 love languages | Kiss and Tell

Love languages are the five different ways of expressing and receiving love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Everyone communicates love in different ways and not everyone prefers receiving love the same way. Four of the five love languages are about showing someone how you feel rather than telling them.

In 1992, Gary Chapman wrote The 5 Love Languages after spending years taking notes with couples he was counseling. He discovered a pattern⏤ couples were misunderstanding one another and each other’s needs. 

Not only will knowing your love language help you better connect with your loved ones but knowing your partner’s love language will help you discern how they show their love so you can feel more appreciated. Discovering your primary love language can help you and your partner begin to show your love in the ways in which you need them to.  

Throughout my relationships with friends, family, and partners, I always figured the quality time was how I expressed and wanted to receive love. I decided to take a quiz to learn more, and to no surprise, quality time was my number one.

QUALITY TIME: 40%

Love Language | 5 Love Languages | Kiss And Tell

Nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention for someone with this love language. I am someone who values when people are there for me… like really being there, at the moment, present. I feel hurt when dates are postponed, people are distracted around me, and when people do not listen. I value quality conversations and activities. I would rather spend uninterrupted time with my partner than receive a gift.

Because I am someone who enjoys Quality Time, I always get worried that my partner is bored just hanging out. I think it is important to find an activity or hobby to share with your partner if their love language is Quality Time. This could be as simple as cooking together, scheduling a weekly date night, going for walks or hikes, or watching a TV show together. A more extravagant idea would be traveling together.

ACTS OF SERVICE: 23%

Love Language | 5 Love Languages | Kiss And Tell

Acts of Service is doing anything to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on someone. Hearing, “Let me do that for you,” will speak volumes to someone whose love language is Acts of Service. However, broken commitments, making more work for your partner, and laziness are ways that make your partner feel like their feelings don’t matter. Instead of just talking about doing nice things for your partner, you actually do them; you can complete a task for them that they don’t particularly enjoy to show your appreciation rather than just saying, “I appreciate you.” 

Making any effort that seems like you’re going out of your way for your partner will go far with someone whose love language is Acts of Service. Try planning a surprise date, giving them a massage, or helping them with chores to show your partner how much you care about them. 

PHYSICAL TOUCH: 17%

Love Language | 5 Love Languages | Kiss And Tell

Someone whose love language is Physical Touch includes hugs, holding hands, thoughtful touches, and it isn’t all about the bedroom. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial in relationships with these people because it fosters a sense of security and belonging. Neglect and abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. This person appreciates embracing their partner after they’ve been apart for a while rather than hearing, “I miss you.” 

If your partner’s love language is Physical Touch, try giving your partner a backscratch or a massage without them asking. Cuddling, playing with your partner’s hair, and giving them a hug or a kiss “just because” are other ways to show your partner you care. Some might even suggest working out together or dancing are ways to spend time with your partner when their love language is Physical Touch.  

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: 10%

Love Language | 5 Love Languages | Kiss And Tell

I was not surprised to find that Words of Affirmation fell to the bottom of my love languages. I have a hard time believing what people say until I actually see them follow through. To me, words mean nothing if there is no action behind them. Nonetheless, to some people, actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. But it is more than hearing, “I love you,” or “I appreciate you;” it is about hearing the reasons behind those words. Kind, encouraging, and positive words show how much you care about your partner, but insults can leave them shattered and are not easily forgiven. 

Someone with this love language will appreciate when you text them I love you or I miss you. An interesting date idea for your partner would be recreating your first date and telling them throughout the date things you remember and why it is important to you. Any way that you can be surprisingly sweet will show your partner how much you care.

RECEIVING GIFTS: 10%

Love Language | 5 Love Languages | Kiss And Tell

Receiving Gifts revolves around the thoughtfulness and effort behind the gifts you are giving to your partner so do not mistake this for materialism. Missing a birthday, anniversary, or even a hasty, thoughtless gift would be devastating.

To someone with this love language, gifts are visual representations of love and they treasure them greatly. Surprising your partner with a small token of appreciation or a little gift you picked up because you were thinking about your partner is just some examples of this. Aside from those things, a bigger and grander gesture would be buying your partner tickets to an event that they’d enjoy. They would also appreciate handmade gifts like making a playlist for them or writing them a letter.

After reading, are you curious what you and your partners love language is here is a link for you to take the quiz to find out https://www.5lovelanguages.com/ 


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Grace Kline

Grace Kline

Grace Kline is a graduate of Penn State University with a Bachelor of Arts in Communications and a Minor in Political Science. Grace is a freelance journalist who is interested in women's studies, politics, and mental health. She thinks it is important for women to have a platform where they can openly discuss "taboo" topics and learn from professional, credible sources.

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