To vulva-owners and to those who enjoy pleasing vulvas, this one’s for you. Oftentimes when we hear the word “handjob,” we often think about all the ways in which we can please those individuals with penises. In case you didn’t know, penises aren’t the only things that need or require hand stroking pleasure – vulvas need love too. Just like penises, vulvas vary in shape, size, color, smell, taste, and landscape. No two vulvas are the same and that is what makes this part of the sexual experience one that should be mastered by all those who love and appreciate vulvas.

In such a way that with everything sex-related, safety is essential. It is important for the one pleasing to ensure that their hands and fingers (including fingernails) are clean and cut-free. So assuming that everything checked out as safe, the fun begins.

As we spend today celebrating National Handjob Day, we have FIVE THINGS for you to DO in order for your vulva-partner to have an enjoyable handjob experience.

1. SET THE MOOD

Being willing to be open and free is an essential key to setting the mood. Knowing your partner and being cognitive of what feels good to them and at what momentum they enjoy things will be a key indicator to knowing how the experience will go. Lighting candles, changing the lighting, turning on music, or some form of erotica are all ways you can help stimulate and enhance the environment.

Do not rush the process. Take your time when setting the mood and be aware of what makes her feel comfortable since the level of comfort varies per vulva. Do not be afraid to engage in a light form of foreplay during this moment

2. UTILIZE EYE CONTACT

If your goal is to make your partner feel good about herself and about the moment being shared, then making and maintaining eye contact keeps you engaged and connected. Making the mood a bit steamier in most cases, eye contact creates a level of intimacy that physical touch takes time to warm up to.

3. USE BOTH OF YOUR HANDS

By now, the mood is set, eye contact has been established and the space is warm enough to start touching your partner. Although the handjob will focus more on the vulva, engage the full body. Kiss both lips. Suck on her neck. Nibble on her nipples. Run your fingers through her hair. Engage her full body so that she and her vulva are ready for you. Doing this helps create the anticipation of whatever is coming next, making her body aroused and her vulva sensitive to touch. 

4. MORE PLEASURE, LESS PRESSURE 

Remember, it’s a marathon, not a race. No clitoris should be harmed or abused during this intimate experience. Pay attention to her body – how she moves, her reactions, her moans, her verbal cues, and ease into the handjob. Self-examine every inch of her vulva with the gentle touch of your fingers. Allow her body to be your playground, one gentle stroke at a time. 

Be curious! And since we are working on improving our sexual communication, ask her sensual questions such as:

  • “How does that feel?” …
  • “Do you like that?” …
  • “Should I keep going?” …
  • “Show me where you want me next!”

All of these questions can lead to her giving you answers and clues to the right path. 

5. DON’T BE AFRAID TO ADD SEX TOYS

The most important thing about giving a handjob is maintaining the energy in your hands and fingers. Different clitoral movements can cause your hands and fingers to cramp and hurt, especially if performing for lengthy periods of time. Don’t be afraid to share the space with a sex toy. Look at the sex toy as the “other” you tag team with in order to reach your goal of satisfying your vulva-owning partner. 

The thing I LOVE MOST about involving sex toys is that they can be used simultaneously as you use your hands and fingers for other forms of touching. While exploring the vulva, sex toys allow space for your partner to discover the pace and rate at which she enjoys certain vibrations. Chances are your partner is already familiar with her own levels due to her own self-pleasurable moments.

As a vulva-owner, it is essential that I educate others on the importance of knowing that there is more to a female handjob than one inserting their fingers inside the vagina. It takes skill and technique, along with repetition to achieve the title of “Ultimate Vulva Pleaser.” The goal of every sexual encounter should be to have her coming back for more!