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Anal Play along with Masturbation

anal play

Photo by Deon Black on Unsplash

Happy masturbation month! Do you include anal play when you masturbate? If you are thinking about trying anal sex for the first time or want to do it more often, then using some alone time to get more familiar with your derriere is highly recommended. 

Masturbating with anal toys can be a great way for you to enjoy anal pleasure especially when you’re a beginner. Even if you’re fully comfortable with your partner, exploring your own body alone is a fun and necessary way to focus 100% on your own needs. While you are masturbating with anal play, you will discover new ways you want your partner to pleasure you while figuring out how to communicate more accurately those desires. 

Anal sex has a bad reputation. The way we talk about anal sex can be intimating or just flat-out inaccurate. It is still considered taboo, leading many people to feel pressure to save anal sex for special occasions. People who save it for just one night are likely to experience pain and discomfort because their bodies were not prepared, even when adding lots of lube for the first time. This brings people to conclude that anal sex is not fun and very painful, leading to its continued bad reputation. 

No one should feel shame for having a desire to try anal sex or for learning that they very much enjoy it. Anal sex should be seen as a way for people to be sexually fluid. What does it mean to be sexually fluid? Usually, this term is associated with orientation and defined as someone who may identify as different orientations throughout their lifetime.

Let’s think of sexual fluidity as also including the array of sexual behaviors a person enjoys. Not wanting to try anal play while masturbating or with a partner does not mean you are not sexually fluid either, it just means you have different preferences. Thinking about sexual fluidity as also including different choices for sexual pleasure will help remove the stigma of what people enjoy.  

When anal sex is celebrated in our culture it is often when someone is granted access to the unattainable anus. Chandler’s reaction to a blatant anal sex reference in the sitcom Friends is the perfect pop-culture example of how anal sex is not common amongst heterosexual couples and celebrated by heterosexual men when achieved. 

Monica reassures Chandler the birth father of their child couldn’t possibly be “that prison guy” because “it’d be pretty hard to make a baby that way” with Erica, the birth mother. Chandler clarifies if it’s, “the thing that we hardly ever do or the thing we never do,” implying they rarely have oral sex and never have anal sex. Chandler celebrates the other man’s victory by nodding in appreciation. Even though these references are considered outdated, as someone trying to normalize anal pleasure, they still drive me crazy. With the Friends reunion right around the corner, one could argue, this pop culture reference is pretty relevant again.    

Real friends don’t judge you for your sexual preferences. They’ll even help you along with good advice. The five tips below are meant to help you have a more pleasurable anal sex journey, even if it may be awkward at times. If you decide you do not want to try it even after reading these tips, that’s just as great because you are making an informed decision based on what you know is right for you. 

Skip the Numbing Lube   

Numbing lube should not be used for anal sex. Adult shops are filled with products that you should steer clear from because they claim a quick fix to a problem that was never there to begin with. Stick with water-based lubes. Silicone lubes cannot be used with silicone toys. Anal sex is not supposed to hurt. If it does, you need to be able to listen to your body so you can change what you are doing such as, adjusting the position or trying a smaller butt plug.  

Finding the Right Toy

Choosing a sex toy can be intimidating, especially when the larger options are prominently displayed. Don’t be intimated by the array of options for anal plugs and anal beads. Look for the companies that offer a package of different sizes. They usually have two or three different sizes so you can slowly work your way up. Make sure your toys have a flared base or other safety mechanisms in place, such as a finger loop for anal beads. I recommend using a silicone toy first, the base is bendable. Once you’ve gained and enjoyed the experience, glass may become your next best friend. 

Find Your Favorite Position for Insertion and Play 

There are a few options when it comes to inserting your toys. You can stand next to your bed and bend your knees slightly. You can lay on your back with your knees bent and your butt slightly lifted. You can get into the doggie style position, hover over a chair or sit on the toilet. This may not feel as sexy, but not everything about sex has to be about looking glamourous. You may find that your method of insertion is also the same position you will enjoy for the play. 

Skip the Porn, For Now. 

These are professionals. Porn leaves out the crucial part of practice makes perfect. Anal sex is not a race. Do not watch an anal sex porn scene and expect that of yourself. You can get to that level if you desire, but it’s not a race and you don’t need to compare yourself to anyone.

Prep for the Cleanup Ahead of Time

If you’re worried about the cleanup, prep the sink ahead of time. Fill the sink with soap and warm water and when you’re ready to take your toy out, cleanup is all the more easier. If you still have reservations about trying anal because of the potential mess, you can use condoms with your toys, but make sure the condom is tight around the toy.  

Normalizing anal sex is one of the keys to unlocking immense sexual pleasure experiences. I’ll end with one final Friends reference to bring my point home. If Rachel’s mother Sandra Green, asked me, “So…what’s new in sex?” My answer — adding anal play to your masturbation sessions, of course! 


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