When a couple asks the question about sex frequency how much and how often, to me this is a catch-22 question, damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Is there a clear concise answer?

All of us would like to know the ideal number of how often we should be having sex each week and month. There has to be an exact number that millennials, non-millennials, and iGen’s could agree upon. Although I suspect, the answer could be comparable to peeling away an onion there are several layers to it.  

Men, generally speaking, are sexually fulfilled based on the frequency; a number of times per week that they have sex. Women are a bit more intricate. Typically, sexual satisfaction is based upon the emotional connection made during and after sex with her partner.

Sex Frequency
Photo by Womanizer Toys on Unsplash

Sex frequency has changed through the decades

In the 1990s, married couples and singles were having sex more frequently than married and single individuals in 2010. Today, Millennial’s and iGen’s are having less sex whether married or not. Part of the reason is due to sex education. Sex education is still fear-based information, sex should be avoided and abstinence is best.  Most religions keep instilling sex is only done for procreation purposes.

Part of the decline is women being comfortable saying “not tonight” and men accepting the response as not a personal attack on their manhood.

To make matters even more confusing, having sex has a wider definition than it once did. Intercourse is not the only way to have sex with our partners. Mutual masturbation and oral and anal sex are now included. Regardless, of whether you support the expanded version of what sex is or is not.

Expanding your definition of sex as more than penetration would increase the frequency.

The question about sex frequency, still remains, is there an ideal number?

The answer is no. Each person and couple are unique. Their frequency number changes based upon life and relationship circumstances. It’s wonderful that sex frequency is not limited by an exact number in order for someone to be sexually fulfilled.


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