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Unequal Orgasms and Sex Therapy

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Unequal orgasms and sex therapy. Unequal orgasms happen frequently during sex. Couples typically have difficulty discussing this. Sex therapy would help.

Frustrating. Disappointing. Unsatisfying. Unequal.

If you look back on your sexual past and words like these make frequent but unwelcome appearances, know that you’re not alone. A reality for many couples facing challenges in the bedroom is someone isn’t getting what they want from their sexual relationship. Everyone’s sexual journey is unique and dependent on several factors, so I won’t even try to dive into all the possible reasons why an individual might feel like their sex life is lacking. Instead, I’ll focus on a common challenge I see in my work with couples—unequal orgasms. 

Ask Yourself These Questions

Think back to your most recent partnered sexual experiences. Would you be able to say with complete certainty that both you and your partner were equally satisfied and orgasmed at similar frequencies? What words would you use to describe your experiences? If you’re confident that your sexual encounters have been particularly enjoyable for everyone involved and those buzzwords typically attached to depictions of “great” sex like passionate, primal, sensual, and exploratory are coming up for you, keep on keeping on! But let’s not forget about the people who might use an entirely different set of words to describe their sexual experiences. 

Equality inside and outside the bedroom! That’s what we’re fighting for, right?

Unfortunately, many couples just aren’t living that experience, especially when it comes to orgasms. Studies on the frequency of orgasms in heterosexual couples have been around for some time now. If you plucked a random individual from a heterosexual group of women and asked her if she orgasms as much as her partner, you’d probably hear an anecdote reinforcing what a lot of those studies have found. There’s a notable gap between the number of orgasms she is having compared to her male partner. And the numbers most likely aren’t in her favor. 

Unequal Orgasm Has Created A Disconnect In Our Relationship

unequal orgasm
Photo by Serge Kutuzov on Unsplash

So your partner is having more orgasms than you, you aren’t feeling satisfied mentally or physically, and it’s creating a disconnect or maybe even a little resentment in your relationship. You’re frustrated, stuck, and unsure how to achieve that release as often as you’d like. What do you do? Doing some self-reflection and communicating with your partner is key here. If that sounds overwhelming or you anticipate several roadblocks getting in your way?

This would be time to seek out a sex therapist with your partner for some couple’s work! One of the great things about actively participating in couples sex therapy is that it’s such a fantastic opportunity to tackle all of those difficult conversations with the support and guidance of a trained professional. Investing in your relationship is worth it, especially when you start gaining all of the tools you need to communicate your needs with your partner effectively. 

Sex therapy would help improve sexual intimacy and communication

A sex therapist would help you to understand where your dissatisfaction is stemming from and find the words/gain the tools you need to express what you discovered to your partner in an open and honest discussion. Everyone deserves to have a satisfying sexual relationship with their partner. Figuring out what that looks like for you and being open to discussing ways to enhance your sexual intimacy with your partner can be tackled head-on in couples sex therapy sessions.

Sharing your challenges with a sex therapist can help you and your partner collect the tools you need to focus on pleasure and take the pressure of reaching a predetermined goal off the table. That in and of itself is sometimes enough to get the two of you in a space conducive to equal pleasure and satisfaction in your sex life. Orgasms aren’t the end all be all of a pleasurable experience.

You may find that switching things up from your routine and focusing on different ways to prioritize your pleasure is equally as pleasurable and bring just as much fun and excitement to a sexual experience as an orgasm does. Check-in with yourself and think about if you’re satisfied with your partnered sexual experiences. If you feel like your pleasure equality is less than ideal, start an open dialogue with your partner and consider seeking out a sex therapist together! 

Unequal orgasms happen frequently during sex however sex therapy would help. Sex therapy would help improve communication between partners so satisfaction is not lopsided.


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