Porn can be life-changing. Porn can help you discover what gets your sexual juices flowing and what just turns you off. Porn can help you connect with a partner by providing visual aids, so they understand what you desire. Porn can be your best friend in stressful times because it is always available to you. There is a lot of chaos happening globally, and porn can help you and your partner keep the passion burning and expand your options for playtime.

But, porn is a fantasy that can lead to expectations for both men and women that are generally not attainable and most certainly not wanted. Young men and women who begin watching it before becoming sexually active are the most susceptible to developing false expectations and receive mixed messages from what they see.

Let’s examine just the basic messages porn puts out there that could affect how you engage with future partners.

CONSENT!

children in white and blue shirts
Photo by Paweł Czerwiński on Unsplash

First and foremost, all sexual activity requires consent from all involved. There is an enormous amount of porn where consent appears coerced or non-existent.

It has been given, just off-camera on signed documents, where models are asked repeatedly what they will and won’t do, and who they will have sex with and who they won’t.

Just because a pornographic scene shows a person spitting on or slapping another human being doesn’t mean we all want that. The same goes for all sexual acts. These paid actors agreed to the script and what it requires, and they probably actually like certain proclivities.

The bottom line is, if you want to try something, just ask. Talk to your partner and respect their answers. If they change their mind later, realize it for the extraordinary act of trust they are giving you.

INTIMACY MEANS SEX

grayscale photo of womans face
Photo by Yohann LIBOT on Unsplash

Intimacy does not mean sex in all cases. Sex can happen without intimacy, as it is a physical act. Intimacy with a partner means knowing and understanding your partner’s needs, sometimes before they even realize what they need.

Intimacy is talking about the good, the bad, and the ugly, sharing hopes, fears, and dreams. The trope of the lover’s weekend where all types of sex are suitable and happen as often as the partners can is just trope.

Yes, there are exceptions, but most couples who have been together for a while do not dream about having perfect intimate sex.

It is a hand being held for no reason, the comforting kiss on the forehead easing a stressful day, or the soft brush of lips meeting, but with no expectations. Sometimes, it means coming home to the dishes done and the kids put to bed just so you and your partner can have some alone time.

Confusing the two can kill a relationship.

A MAN IS ALWAYS EAGER

man wearing red long-sleeved shirt standing beside wall
Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash

Porn would have people think that men are always horny and that all they think about is sex, especially older men.

Not true.

The penis is not a light switch that can be turned on and off again at a moment’s notice or the clap of hands. Yes, some get harder faster than others, but don’t expect a man to get hard just because you bat your eyes at him and twerk out a good booty shake.

While filming sex scenes, there is an immense amount of stopping and starting for all kinds of reasons. Expecting a man not to come over an eight-hour shoot is kind of cruel, as it will become more and more painful for him.

The fact is a lot of men in porn rely on erectile medications to help things along. There is no shame in it. Everyday stress makes a lot of men just as uninterested in sex as it does some women. If he cannot get it up, no worries, show them how much you care by simple intimate acts.

Overall Porn is Both

Mainstream porn is fantasy and myth, brought to life by experienced professionals.

It is built on tropes that can lead to false expectations and hurt feelings. But it can also lead to passionate lovemaking and opening up a new world in which people can explore their sexuality.

Enjoy it alone or together, but do so with consent, and don’t expect your partner to want to be pile driven into the next year. Respect their wishes, and don’t replace them with porn. Porn will not be there by your side, holding your hand in the darkest of days.