Are you aware of how vulnerability and sex intertwine? Talking about sex in society as well as in private is not a topic that is typically supported with open arms. We still live in a society that is resistant to change. Even when change is beneficial to all, it’s met with hesitation. Society continues to reinforce this hindrance regarding information about sex through social media companies deciding what is beneficial for us to see and what to delete. Social media companies are making your decisions for you. Although, I am confused as to why this tactic doesn’t also apply to guns considering the state we are in concerning gun violence and deaths.
Back to vulnerability and the topic of sex, we take our cues from our partners about what we can and cannot discuss. If your partner is not in the mood to talk and would rather be glued to their phone than engage with you, how do you work around this?
Behaviors today, constantly demonstrate to us that it is acceptable to be attached to what is happening in the world through your phone. We are reinforcing this disconnected behavior with likes and shares.
How are you embracing and engaging with your life in a vulnerable way with your partner?
Several challenges that we face daily are inflation, finding a job, keeping a job, and what to eat for dinner…and we get through these challenges easier because we talked about it either prior to, during, or after the event. Let me remind you the key phrase was we talk about it. We consciously talk about everyday topics however resistance happens in sharing our intimate thoughts and emotions.
Our communication struggle with sex and intimacy reflects the fact no one teaches us how to do it. The ability to differentiate between feelings and thoughts is a skill. Being able to question why you are hesitant to open up is also a skill. It is perfectly fine to share with your partner, “I don’t want to share” or “I don’t feel like talking.”
Remind yourself it is okay to not know what you are feeling at any moment. Check-in with yourself to acknowledge the possible cause for not wanting to be vulnerable. This may be a time that is easier to write down your feelings first to be clear prior to sharing.
One step at a time vulnerability and sex
If you need to start with sharing something “easy to talk about” before working your up to larger issues, there is nothing wrong with that. Intimate communication is a skill set that requires constant practice. Each time you communicate, you gain a better understanding of what worked and what didn’t.
Express your actual feelings, and be honest, this isn’t a time to bring up the ‘shoulds’ that float around in society. This is about your sexual needs and preferences. It is in our true nature as human beings to embrace all aspects of sex. This includes talking about sex too. Some of the joy experienced regarding sex and intimacy is in having important conversations.
Vulnerability with our partner is about feeling like you have a safe space to be yourself. It is not about trying to fix one another instead it is a time of acceptance. It is okay if this takes some time to be transparent.
Vulnerability and sex are having a conversation about your wants, needs, desires, dos, and don’ts concerning sex and intimacy. Intimacy is defined as more than just smashing. Stop and allow yourself the compassion to share with your partner and whoever else wants to know what brings you pleasure in and out of the bedroom. Avoid engaging in a vulnerable conversation after having a sexual connection, the bedroom is about sleeping and sexual activity. It is not about having a conversation about what you prefer or don’t prefer during sex.
The only inadequacy we all share with sex is that we are not talking about it. We continue the constant struggle with this topic by not discussing it. When we give permission to be vulnerable regarding intimacy and sex we are in control. Being silent allows the misinformation and assumptions to continue.
Being vulnerable is an opportunity to connect and grow in your relationship surrounding the topic of sex. Opening up and sharing help to build trust between you and your partner’s wants and needs. Being honest and forthcoming help to build empathy and a stronger bond. It is okay to talk about sex. Your sexual wants and needs are nothing to be ashamed of. Not giving voice to your thoughts and feelings is hindering the relationship it is not benefiting it.
Share with us about how it went the last time you were vulnerable and talked about sex with your partner…IG @kissandtellmag