When coaching individuals to improve their sex lives, it is common to help them re-frame how they think about sexuality. Having a negative perspective or lack of education on sexuality can hinder someone’s ability to seek help or speak up for their needs. Additionally, having a narrow perspective on sexuality blocks an individual’s pursuit to sexual bliss. One of my methods for adding new and positive perspectives is to create a sexual mantra.
A sexual mantra is a positive affirmation an individual creates and speaks aloud to themselves; it includes phrases that motivate the person to pursue a healthy and fulfilling sex life. It is key to say the sexual mantra aloud. Good sex involves touch, amazing sex involves all the senses. Using sexual mantras should involve as many senses as possible.
You want to practice speaking the words, while also becoming comfortable hearing them. Filming yourself repeating the mantra is also a good way to become comfortable seeing yourself as sexual. I love who I see when I look at my sexual self would be the perfect starting point…If you are struggling to find alone time, the shower is the perfect place to practice.
There are an infinite number of reasons why you should create a sexual mantra for yourself. Sexual mantras can fit any need. Using a sexual mantra helps give us focus and control over our sex lives.
4 sexual mantras you can add to your self-care routine
- I will speak up for my sexual health. One of the first blocks to sexuality people experience is the inability to communicate about sex. Not just talking about sex with their partner, but also health care professionals as well. For example, if you have erectile dysfunction it is important to talk to your doctor. Although ED itself isn’t dangerous, it can be an early warning sign of a serious health condition, such as diabetes or heart disease. If someone is uncomfortable talking to their doctor about ED, then their doctor may miss warning signs of conditions that could turn serious down the line. Telling yourself you will speak up for your sexual health will help you when it comes time to talk with another person. Another variation on this mantra is, I will speak up for my sexual needs. This is an especially important mantra for anyone who was not fully satisfied with their partner. It can be very uncomfortable to say “no” to the expected, “did you cum too” question. Normalize speaking up for yourself by saying, I will tell my partner if I did not have an orgasm. A sexual mantra can help strengthen our resilience to getting feedback from our patterns as well.
- I do not need alcohol to enhance my sexual experiences. People associate good sex with alcohol, but in reality, we have the power, not the alcohol, to enhance our sexual experiences. Rather than saying “alcohol” you can make it specific to your needs. For example, I do not need red wine to enhance my orgasm. You won’t need liquid courage when a sexual mantra has kept you in a confident state.
- I create my sexual journey.- Knowing that people can create their own sexual journey will help them break free from beliefs such as the only way to sexual expression is by having sex or its only sex if you have an orgasm. This mantra can help people normalize their own sexual creativity.
- My sexuality is powerful. I give my sexuality power. I am powerful.- Achieving an orgasm takes concentration and cardio. Keeping our minds focused at the moment while working our bodies takes stamina and can become tiring for people, making them give up on achieving an orgasm. While an orgasm is not the end all be all to sexual pleasure, motivating yourself with this mantra will give you the extra boost you need to keep going.
How to create a sexual mantra for yourself
- Ask yourself the following questions:
- What do I need sexually?
- What has been holding me back sexually?
- What are my sexual goals?
- Once you have a better understanding of your wants and needs start drafting your mantras
- If you need help with a beginning, start the mantra with an “I” statement, “I will”, “I am”, or “I need”.
- Include a commitment to yourself or something that you will say to another person. Don’t worry if you have to make it a few sentences. For example, I value my sexual identity. I will listen to my sexual needs. My commitment to my sexual health is unbreakable.
Creating your own sexual mantra gives you even more control over your sex life. Try one today.
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