For women, we are taught that reproduction is the only reason for having sex. In most cultures, women do not view sex as a pleasurable act. Women have over 8000 nerves in their pleasure centers so why shouldn’t we enjoy the few nerves we don’t mind our partners getting on? It’s time for women to understand that having sex is okay, having multiple partners is okay, discussing sex is okay, and exploring different kinks is okay. As long as you are practicing safe sex, feel empowered to self-exploration. 

As women, we need to own our bodies and explore our likes and dislikes. Knowing what you like in the bedroom is key to reaching the big “O”. It took me years to realize that penetration alone does not provide enough stimulation for me to reach an orgasm. After trusting my partner and experimenting with toys, positions, and masturbation, I was finally able to achieve an orgasm. If you can not discuss openly with your partner what your sexual preferences are then you are subjecting yourself to sexual unfulfillment.

Engaging in sex can be a mental and spiritual act before it is a physical act, meaning that you are fully trusting your body to a person, and you are intertwined as two souls seeking satisfaction. Women’s minds are constantly moving and when the topic of sex is brought in we see the good outcomes as well as our insecurities. Talking about your insecurities with your partner can help decrease or eliminate the pressure from the sexual act itself. 

Most of the time women fear being tagged with a bad reputation or even just a misused name. I’m here to say not to fear the name-calling but also do not be so quick to embrace it. Men are expected to be experienced and have multiple partners so why shame women for doing the same?

End the labeling

Let’s end the stigma and labeling that women are sluts or easy for dating multiple men or having sex before marriage. Being sexually confident is an amazing feeling. You are most proud of your experiences and have learned from the ones that weren’t so great.

Either way, you have learned your preferences, or if you are like me and just eager for your next kink experience. You have owned your sexuality and whether you have had multiple partners or trying new ways to spice up the bedroom with your partner, you are comfortable with the discussion of sex. 

Discussing sex

discussing sex
Photo by Elevate on Unsplash

As women, we tend to shy away from sexual topics, especially in an open setting. Why is it that talking about sexual preferences or what we like in and out of the bedroom, is considered to be taboo? Is it because as women our sex life is supposed to be kept secret to preserve this ideology of this high-class lady preserving her virtue?

There are ways to talk about sex while still being classy. I am not saying to be crude while talking about your sexual life but be open to sharing experiences with your peers or family. Not only will it help with the unknowns of sex but it will let you know that you are not alone in certain aspects.

I recently watched Netflix’s Bridgerton and poor Daphne got married and she was unaware of how children were conceived or what a male orgasm looked like. If Daphne had the “talk” early on she would have been provided with a little sexual knowledge before going into the act. I know that times were different during that era but the concept still applies. The discussion of sex also helps those that aren’t ready for sex but have curiosities about the topic.

I have religious friends that are waiting until marriage but still ask questions because they don’t feel comfortable discussing the topic with their families. Topics such as “does it hurt?”, and  “how do you know if you are ready?”, could help someone ease their nerves or decide if the experience is something they are ready for. Talking about sex shouldn’t be embarrassing or scary but informative. 

Let’s normalize having the talk about sex, it’s not just for our children but for our general knowledge and safety. Help everyone feel safe to openly talk about their experiences. Do not make women feel ashamed for the experiences they had, the same way we shouldn’t make men feel ashamed for not having any experience. Sex is a natural part of life, let’s treat it as such. 

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