Neuroticism is a term you might have come across in a personality theory class or maybe you haven’t heard of it, regardless it deserves some attention, especially when it comes to relationships. First things first, neuroticism isn’t a mental illness that needs “curing.” It’s a personality trait linked with experiencing more negative emotions like anxiety, moodiness, worry, and fear.

This trait is part of the Big Five personality traits—a well-known model used to describe human personalities. In this model, neuroticism ranges from emotional instability on one end to emotional stability on the other.

Just like any other personality trait you might want to tweak, neuroticism can be managed or even changed through different approaches. Research shows that mindfulness practices can help reduce the distress neuroticism often brings (Drake et al., 2017). Plus, strategies like therapy, improving basic life habits, shifting your outlook, and strengthening your support system can make a big difference (Sauer-Zavala & Barlow, 2021).

This article is all about how neuroticism affects romantic and sexual relationships, and more importantly, how to handle it effectively. We’ll be diving into evidence-based insights and scholarly references to give you a solid guide on navigating neuroticism in your relationships.

The Scientific Framework of Neuroticism

According to Costa and McCrae (1987) in their work on the Revised NEO Personality Inventory, neuroticism is marked by anxiety, hostility, depression, self-consciousness, impulsiveness, and vulnerability. These traits shape how we handle stress, which naturally affects our emotional regulation and behavior in relationships.

Research by Malouff, Thorsteinsson, and Schutte (2005) shows that people with high neuroticism often feel more dissatisfied in their relationships. This dissatisfaction usually comes from maladaptive coping mechanisms and negative thought patterns tied to neuroticism, leading to more conflict, miscommunication, and emotional distance between partners.

The Impact of Neuroticism on Romantic and Sexual Relationships

Our romantic and sexual relationships are deeply influenced by our emotional and psychological well-being. Here’s how neuroticism plays into this:

  • Communication Challenges: Emotional ups and downs can lead to inconsistent communication styles, making it tough for partners to create a stable connection.
  • Conflict Resolution: Being overly sensitive to perceived threats or criticisms can cause defensive or aggressive reactions, hindering healthy conflict resolution.
  • Intimacy and Sexual Satisfaction: Anxiety and self-consciousness that come with neuroticism can block emotional and physical intimacy, affecting overall relationship satisfaction.

Strategies and Tools for Managing Neuroticism

Knowing how neuroticism affects relationships highlights the need for strategies to manage its impact. Here are some evidence-based approaches:

  • Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation: Practicing mindfulness can improve emotional regulation, reducing the intensity of negative emotions. Gross (2002) emphasizes that emotional regulation strategies are key to managing neurotic tendencies and boosting relationship satisfaction.
  • Communication Skills Development: Building open, honest, and empathetic communication can help reduce misunderstandings and strengthen emotional bonds. Gottman and Levenson (1999) found that positive communication patterns are crucial in handling neuroticism’s challenges in relationships.
  • Seeking Professional Support: Working with a therapist or counselor skilled in cognitive-behavioral techniques can offer valuable insights and tools for individuals and couples. Therapy can tackle the cognitive distortions linked with neuroticism, fostering healthier relational dynamics.


Here are some tools of mindfulness practices that can help mitigate the impact of neuroticism in relationships:

  • Breath Awareness: Encouraging mindful breathing exercises, where individuals focus on the natural rhythm and sensations of their breath. This can help calm the mind, reduce anxiety, and foster greater emotional regulation.
  • Body Scan Meditation: Guiding individuals to systematically notice and acknowledge the various sensations in different parts of the body. This can increase self-awareness and reduce the tendency towards rumination or catastrophizing.
  • Mindful Self-Compassion: Practicing self-compassion through techniques like loving-kindness meditation. This can counteract the self-critical tendencies often associated with neuroticism and promote a more accepting, nurturing stance towards oneself.
  • Mindful Communication: Applying mindfulness principles to conversations with a partner, such as actively listening without judgment, speaking with intention, and being present in the moment. This can improve overall communication and reduce the risk of reactive or defensive behaviors.
  • Gratitude Exercises: Regularly reflecting on and expressing gratitude for one’s partner and the positive aspects of the relationship. This can help shift the neurotic individual’s focus away from negative emotions and foster a more positive, appreciative mindset.
  • Mindful Conflict Resolution: When facing conflicts, use mindfulness techniques like pausing, taking deep breaths, and actively listening to understand the partner’s perspective. This can prevent the escalation of negative emotions and facilitate more constructive problem-solving.

By incorporating these tips individuals high in neuroticism can develop greater emotional awareness, self-regulation, and interpersonal skills – all of which can contribute to more fulfilling and resilient romantic relationships.


Reflecting on neuroticism within the context of personality theory and its effects on romantic and sexual relationships shows that while this trait poses challenges, it also opens up opportunities for growth and understanding. By adopting targeted strategies and managing neurotic tendencies proactively, you can cultivate more fulfilling and resilient relationships.

Understanding neuroticism and its impact requires a thoughtful, informed approach. Reliable, scholarly guidance is crucial as we navigate the complexities of human emotions and behaviors. Pursuing knowledge remains our most powerful tool for enhancing interpersonal relationships and overall well-being.

We encourage everyone in the K&T community to join this conversation in the comments section below. Have you ever experienced someone with the neuroticism personality trait? If so, please share your experience.  As we continue to share what we know, help us, if you aren’t already, by becoming a subscriber.


Costa, P. T., & McCrae, R. R. (1987). Revised NEO Personality Inventory (NEO-PI-R) and NEO Five-Factor Inventory (NEO-FFI) professional manual. Psychological Assessment Resources.

Gross, J. J. (2002). Emotion regulation: Affective, cognitive, and social consequences. Psychophysiology, 39(3), 281–291.

Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (1999). What predicts change in marital interaction over time? A study of alternative models. Family Process, 38(2), 143–158.

Malouff, J. M., Thorsteinsson, E. B., & Schutte, N. S. (2005). The relationship between the five-factor model of personality and symptoms of clinical disorders: A meta-analysis. Journal of Psychopathology and Behavioral Assessment, 27(2), 101–114.

Drake, M. M., Morris, D. M., & Davis, T. J. (2017). Neuroticism’s susceptibility to distress: Moderated with mindfulness. Personality and Individual Differences, 106248-252. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2016.10.060

Sauer-Zavala, S., & Barlow, D. H. (2021). Neuroticism: a new framework for emotional disorders and their treatment. The Guilford Press.