Vibrators. Penis rings. Dildos. Oh my! How many of you read that and felt just a bit embarrassed? Did you take a sheepish peek over your shoulder or dim your device’s brightness to make sure no one else could see your screen? The sex tech industry is rapidly evolving. It is backed by some of the most innovative minds in the tech industry. Still, it hasn’t quite reached the point where it no longer carries the stigma often associated with sex toys.
Reflect upon the messages you have received about sex toys and how talking about it makes you feel. I’d venture to guess that a fair amount of you subscribe to the narrative that sex tech is a taboo industry and sex tech is not meant to be embraced or discussed. Before you decide whether or not sex tech is something you want to explore, consider taking a closer look at some common concerns and the potential benefits it could bring to your sex life.
NOT SO DOWN TO GET DOWN WITH SEX TOYS?
The use of sex tech can be a beneficial and pleasurable tool, but it’s natural to have some reservations. A common concern that often comes up in therapy with couples, is that using sex tech may diminish personal connection. This is often accompanied by the fear of being replaced by a partner’s favorite toy. If you identify with this, consider how a shift in perspective may impact your thoughts. Ask yourself why bringing a toy into the bedroom may threaten different aspects of your relationship. You might find that personal insecurities or the pressure to perform are at the root of your concerns. Work on challenging your negative thoughts.
If you’re worried about being replaced, think about it this way, just because you introduce sex tech into your sexual activities, that doesn’t mean your partner will ditch you and opt to bring their favorite vibrator as a guest to the next family get together. That seems a little silly, right? Using sex tech doesn’t have to be a solo endeavor that creates a divide between you and your partner. Many couples enjoy using toys together to enhance their sexual experiences. In doing so, this offers another way to build on their intimate connection.
Other concerns about using sex tech often revolve around dependency, desensitization, cleanliness, and pain potential. The good news is that many of these concerns can be mitigated by taking a break from routine use, switching up how you stimulate your body to orgasm, practicing proper cleaning and care techniques, and using the right lubricant. Sex toys also don’t have to become the main focus of your sexual encounters—if you want to incorporate sex tech often, right on! If you don’t, that’s okay too! Do what feels right for you and your partner.
WHAT’S SO GREAT ABOUT SEX TECH ANYWAY?
The sex tech industry has opened many doors for people with diverse needs and desires to prioritize their pleasure and focus on their sexual health and wellness. If you are a person with a disability, pain disorder, or face challenges achieving orgasm, there is sex tech out there that aims to make sex more accessible. This type of sex tech focuses not only on pleasure but also gives specialized feedback to enhance your sexual experience over time. If you’re in a long-distance relationship or even just looking for a way to add some novelty to your sex life, utilizing teledildonics (sex toys controlled via an app and Bluetooth or internet connection) may be appealing to you.
There’s also no shortage of pleasurable options to explore for everyone—sex toys aren’t just for people with vulvas. So people with penises, rejoice! There are options out there for you too. If you don’t know where to start, consider looking into masturbation sleeves, penis rings, or prostate stimulation toys. Incorporating sex tech into your solo or partnered sexual activities can certainly be a useful tool in getting to know your body and its response to stimulation and pleasure on a deeper level.
MAKING A DECISION…
Having an open and honest discussion with your partner about your concerns is essential when it comes to incorporating new elements into your sex life, especially when you’re on the fence about making a decision. Weigh your options and consider all those pros and cons! If you need some guidance in navigating these conversations with your partner, you may benefit from talking with a sex therapist or coach.
Raquel Pereira is a behavioral life coach with a concentration in relationships and sexual challenges. She takes pride in creating a space free of judgment, so the couples and individuals she coaches can feel safe exploring their challenges and strengths with authenticity. Raquel is passionate about empowering her clients to explore their challenges, needs, and desires, positioning themselves to live the life they want and deserve.
