The act of sex can be one of the most stressful things to experience. Many of us have experienced the pressures of satisfying ourselves or our partners intimately in the bedroom. You may feel that there aren’t any ways to have a healthy sex life. Just the thought of having sex may stress you out! I am here to give you five ways on calming that stress and enjoy sex again.
This is the most common mistake many couples make and that is not talking about your wants, needs, concerns, and stresses in the bedroom.
Yes, it can be scary to be vulnerable, take your time, and don’t belt everything out at once. Talk about your desires and turn-ons. Talk about what you feel insecure about. Discuss the stress sex gives you, and what areas are you concerned about. Part of communication is trusting your partner, opening up about your needs and worries about sex can help them understand your body and what you need.
Communication is a conversation with two sides, while you may be stressed over performance or other reasons, your partner may have similar emotions as well. This can be an opportunity to grow on a sexual and intimate level. Having that serious talk can open you up to new things and help pleasure you and your partner.
If you get feelings of stress and anxiety because you are self-conscious about how your body looks. Teaching yourself body acceptance can be a long yet helpful process you can try every day including the days you want to have sex with your partner. You may think your body isn’t worth looking at, even your partner can feel the same. To lift each other up try speaking up more about what part of their physical appearance you find alluring, especially ones your partner stresses over. Insecurity is a beast you can learn to defeat and learn from. It’s normal to feel insecure at times, especially in an intimate state, but don’t let it control your sex life.
One method that can help boost body confidence is looking at your naked body in the mirror and pointing out the beauty and flaws and asking yourself ‘why?’.
A new method I recommend is to accentuate the parts of your body you’re comfortable with. If you want to wear an outfit or touch a part of yourself that you love, go for it!
Tell your partner the parts that give you confidence and have them caress or kiss those spots. Another recommendation is to share the parts you feel insecure about. Having your partner care for those parts of your body can reassure you on a physical and emotional level unless you like hearing them say it.
Two types of meditation techniques that can be helpful to closer intimacy are breath focus meditation and mindfulness meditation.
Breath focus is self-explanatory, you will be meditating and focusing solely on your breathing. The goal is to calm your body and mind over the stresses in everyday life. Putting breath focus meditation as a daily practice can help reduce stress and anxieties. This abdominal breathing technique can help you focus on your body in a positive way.
All of those insecurities you had about your appearance, being aware of the amazing things your body can do; can be integrated into your life. Other areas of your life can be affected by breath focus meditation, such as sex performance and discussions about sex.
For mindfulness meditation let your breathing take over. This is an opportunity for awareness and acknowledgment. When breathing slowly, you’ll notice your mind wandering in different directions. Instead of overanalyzing your thoughts, part of this technique is to make note of all the images or scenarios that are passing through your mind.
Once you let your mind wander, remember to continue inhaling and exhaling. This can help you see what your mind does when you do absolutely nothing and just be. The scenes you have visualized can be explored further and help you with your stress in regards to sex or any form of stress that makes you nervous in bed.
Get those Masturbation Myths Out of Your Head!
If one of the reasons you are stressed is because of rumors about what masturbation is and how it plays into sex, know that they are false.
You may have feared mentioning masturbation or using it in the bedroom. Part of your stress is knowing that masturbation can feel better than penetrative sex. You may feel masturbation has a key formula for success if you do it the picture-perfect way for your partner. However, that is not the case at all.
Masturbation is different for everyone and can be practiced in various ways.
Some common masturbation myths are: masturbation has no health benefits, only when alone do you masturbate, excessive masturbation can lead to erectile dysfunction.
All these three are false! There is nothing wrong with masturbation, alone or with your partner. Know that any assumptions you made about masturbation and how it can affect your relationship are false. Remember, communicate with your partner about this topic, if you feel you want to incorporate it into your intimate time. Or explain any particular ways that help you enjoy masturbation and learn about their preferences if they have any.
Take Sex Slow and Steady
The pressure to get everything right the very first time is fantasy. We need to learn about ourselves and our partners. If this is one reason you get stressed over having sex with your partner take things slow.
You don’t have to go straight to penetrative sex, start off with oral, foreplay, and other types of kinks, fetishes, and intimate activities that interest you both. When taking things slow it’s an opportunity to explore what works and doesn’t for both of you.
Go at your own pace and let it build, including confidence experience and learning about your body and your partner’s sexual desires.
With these five important tips on reducing stress, I hope what you take from this list is an opportunity to get more comfortable with sex; whether it’s performance, discussions, or actions.
Sex is a vulnerable thing, but we can adapt, learn and help ourselves by saying no to stress and saying yes to more sex.
K&T discusses sexual health, as well as many other topics, focused on the topic of sex. Support us by becoming a subscriber, subscribers get their voices heard by guiding our content.
Help us keep the conversation going…click one of the buttons below or copy the link. In case you missed them, here is the link to watch our previous podcasts.